I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What drink are we having for lunch?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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