Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
