I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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