You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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