I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
