hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
