I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
