Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
