If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
