I'm so fucking centered right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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