doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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