reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
