If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
