ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
