Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
