in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
