I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She's the barista slut.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
