How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
