never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
