If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
