So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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