Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no, he came in my armpit
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
