I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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