Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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