Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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