Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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