there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
