Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
