there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
