SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
