i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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