I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
