why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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