He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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