I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
