His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
