I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
