..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
