I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
