I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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