We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
