So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
