please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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