its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
