We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
