I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
