Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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