Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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