ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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