Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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